tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC November 11, 2015 11:34pm-12:38am EST
and featuring the legendary ots crew. >> questlove: 365 ontario! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello, everybody. thank you. you, and you, and you, and you, and you. welcome, everybody, to "the tonight show." you did it. you made it. you're here. [ cheers and applause ] this is the show. this is the show to be at. thank you so much for being here. here's what everybody is talking about. everyobody, of course, last night was the fourth republican debate.
and if you thought it was exciting to watch on tv, imagine being jeb bush watching the whole thing from his podium. the best seat in the house. he could see everybody. yeah. the debate aired on fox business network. and they used a dinging sound to tell candidates when their time was up. it sounded like this. [ ding ] yeah. sort of like a doorbell. which would explain why trump's hair started barking every time it went off. [ laughter and applause ] [ growling ] settle down, boy. stop ringing that damn bell. settle down. settle down, boy. i'm going to build the wall. [ growling ] all right. maybe it was just me, but it seemed like after a while, the bell got more distracting. check this out. >> we went from 350,000 lost jobs to a gain of 347,000 -- [ ding ] >> the bahrainis, the kurds. [ ding ] >> keep going, you dummies. keep going for -- [ ding ] >> now, this statute --
[ ding ] [ little mermaid under the sea ] ♪ take it from me cnbc >> jimmy: after some controversial statements, all eyes were on ben carson last night. and at one point, he said his three-year-old granddaughter was at the debate because she said she wanted to go. also because she's his most reliable fact checker. three-year-old grand daughter. >> steve: three-year-old >> jimmy: she's cute she's cute. >> steve: cute as the day is long. >> jimmy: very cute. and last night, donald trump said he actually supports russia's fight against isis and syria. that's right. trump teaming with putin, or as that's also known, the best amazing race team ever. we're going to take my limo. it's very classy. but tank is stronger. i say we use tank. no, limo. no, tank. no, limo. hold on, boy. [ growling ]
all right. this is kind of embarrassing guys. ted cruz said he would eliminate five government agencies if he were elected. but, i think the department of commerce should be the most worried. check this out. >> five major agencies i would eliminate. the irs, the department of commerce, the department of energy, the department of commerce, and hud. >> jimmy: double whammy. double whammy. or as rick perry put it -- >> oops. >> jimmy: my bad. i forgot. four things. whatever. >> steve: three. >> jimmy: who cares. got some big tech news today. apple's extra large ipad, the ipad pro, just went on sale. yeah, you can see the new ipad in stores or when your aunt takes a family photo at thanksgiving. [ laughter and applause ] everybody smile. hold on. a movie's playing. hold on. all right. hold on, now smile. >> steve: how can i help you? >> jimmy: no, it's on me. it's my face. hold on. did you guys see this? the world giving index released
a report yesterday found out for the first time ever, men are more likely than women to donate money to charity. yeah. and even more likely to donate to charity's friends, crystal, bambi, and cinnamon. but, still it's interesting. [ laughter and applause ] their numbers -- you know, we had a little fun joking around about the republican debate earlier, but actually, the democrats seem to be a little worried about their candidates as well. in fact, they seem most worried about appealing to younger voters. both of the leading democratic candidates are over 65. a lot of people are saying bernie sanders and hillary clinton might be too old to be president. and it's true. i mean, bernie sanders is so old. >> audience: how old is he? >> jimmy: bernie sanders is so old, he needs 12 viagras to go up in the polls. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ he's old. hillary clinton, she's no spring chicken either. no, no. she's old. >> audience: how old is she? >> jimmy: she's so old, her first pant suit was made by betsy ross. ♪
she bought it at ann taylor cave. ♪ [ laughter ] she's so old, you know what -- i have a tickle in my throughout. i think i might need a lozenge. can someone tag in for me please? thank you. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] i'm getting older. boy, that bernie sanders sure is old. >> audience: how old is he? >> he's so old, he thinks the trickle down theory is about him urinating. [ laughter ] this has got to stop. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] this has got to stop. he's so old, he remembers when ol' dirty bastard was just dirty bastard.
♪ [ laughter and applause ] and hillary is so old, when she hears 2016, she yells bingo. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] she's so old, the first political scandal was deleting all her telegraph messages. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] she's so old, she remembers when jimmy fallon had hands. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. billy, thank you. appreciate it. >> sorry. >> jimmy: it's okay. i'm gonna tag back in. >> okay. >> jimmy: i'm going to tag back in. hillary is so old, she's not running for president. she's mall walking for it. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] where is the panda express? >> where's the place where i can get a house key made? >> jimmy: where is the orange julius? >> julius is over there. >> jimmy: julius, i didn't see you there. >> and bernie sanders is so old. >> jimmy: how old is he? >> he tucks his testicles into his sock. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: is that right? >> which, believe me, is not such a bad thing. >> jimmy: there you go. >> i got to go. >> jimmy: billy crystal, ladies
and gentlemen. we have a great show. give it up for the roots. billy crystal, ladies and gentlemen. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you to billy crystal for helping us out with the monologue. [ cheers and applause ] he is doing a sold out show tomorrow night with david steinberg at town hall. we're so happy he stopped by at "the tonight show." we love him. billy crystal once again, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys, before we get started, it's veterans day, and i want to take a moment to thank my dad, jim fallon, and my father-in-law, bill juvonen. and all of the service men and women out there. from all of us at "the tonight show," thank you for your service to our country, both here and abroad. [ cheers and applause ] and if anyone watching right now is interested in helping our veterans, please visit tonightshow.com/veterans to learn about a few ways you can
get involved. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very, very much. it's been a great week so far. there's more ahead tomorrow night, the very beautiful, the very talented elizabeth banks will be here. elizabeth and i are going to play a game of catchphrase with a couple special guests. that's right. then on friday, sarah silverman will be joining us. we have something fun planned with her as well. and we have music from a tribe called quest, so you do not want to miss that. [ applause ] but first, we have a fantastic show tonight. he's a great actor starring alongside daniel radcliffe in the new film "victor frankenstein," james mcavoy is here. [ cheers and applause ] he's in x-men. he's an x-man. also, this guy is one of the biggest names in music. and his new song "writing's on the wall" is the new james bond theme. sam smith is on the show tonight.
[ cheers and applause ] it's the first bond theme to hit number one in the uk. out of all the bond themes. >> steve: out of all of them? >> jimmy: yeah, the first to hit number one, i think. i can ask sam. i might be making this up. i write sam's wikipedia page. >> steve: do you really? >> jimmy: yeah, i love sam smith. he's going to be on snl this weekend, with disclosure. i like that song. ♪ money on my mind >> steve: what song? >> jimmy: do you know this song? >> steve: how does it go? ♪ money on my mind do i have it? ♪ money on my mind money on my mind i do it for i do it for the love i don't have ♪ ♪ money on my mind money on my mind ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. that's the number one song in the uk right now. >> steve: is it really? >> jimmy: absolutely, no, no, it's not. but number one song on my playlist, on my spotify playlist. he's the best, sam smith in the house, and of course, great
stand-up from comedian kurt braunohler. [ cheers and applause ] "how do i land?" his first comedy record. guys, right after the break, we're going to open up our suggestion box from our audience right here and we're gonna be visited by a couple of very special guests. it's gonna be good, stick around. we'll be right back with more "tonight show," everybody. suggestion box coming up. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ anything else today, dear? just the coffee, thanks. how do you want to pay for that? i'll just use my phone. oh i'm sorry we don't have that here. introducing samsung pay, the new mobile payment that works virtually anywhere your cards can be swiped or tapped. so you can use it without changing the places you shop, just the way you pay. did you install something? a boiler, in 1978? ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! welcome back! thank you so much. oh, my gosh. fantastic show tonight. as you guys know, we're always striving to get better here at "the tonight show." ♪ harder better faster stronger ♪ [ laughter ] so before every show, we put out a suggestion box for the audience just so we can get some feedback about what you guys think of the show, things you would like us to do, that kind of stuff. so tonight, let's look inside the audience suggestion box.
♪ look into the box the suggestion box ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for your suggestions, everybody. from greg upshaw, "hey, jimmy, i saw the peanuts movie this weekend. it's great. but i always wondered what it looked like if charlie brown had hair. you should show that." that's a great idea. thank you so much there, greg. here's what charlie brown looks like now. let's see what he would look like with donald trump's hair. [ laughter ] that's not bad. let's see him with questlove's hair. [ laughter ] that's good. how about something like a -- guy fieri. what would that look like? [ laughter ] that's the best one. finally, can we see what it would look like with al roker hair? [ laughter ] there you go, perfect. looks better bald. anyway. this one is from kate peterson. hey jimmy, today is 11/11. you should make a wish. oh, great idea. here i go. there.
[ light laughter ] made a wish. [ pop ] [ cheers and applause ] let's hope my wish comes true. [ laughter ] moving on. here's one from tessa bridge. hey, jimmy, one of your guests on the show is james mcavoy, who is a scottish actor. i love scottish accents, do any of the roots know how to do a a scottish accent? unfortunately, none of the roots know how to do a a convincing scottish accent, but we wanted to change that. we asked james from the roots to work with a scottish dialect coach every day for five days. [ laughter ] here he is working with her earlier today. >> i'm gonna to skelp yer wee behookie. >> i'm going to skelp yer wee bayookie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: james, you have been practicing. can we hear you -- [ laughter ]
big moment. can we hear you say something in your new scottish accent? [ scottish accent ] >> my name is jimmy poyser. [ laughter ] i play keyboard for the roots. [ laughter ] yer bum is going out the windae. [ laughter ] i'm going to skelp yer wee bawooky -- [ laughter ] thanks, ladie. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks. that sounds like it -- yeah. that sounds like a scottish guy who just spent ten years in jamaica. [ laughter ] come on. [ jamaican accent ] ya, mon. we to that here man. you wear the kilt, mon. you eat the haggis. [ reaggea music ] ♪ you eat the haggis and the whisky ya single malt scotch ♪ [ laughter ] this one is from lance wu. "hey, jimmy, my two favorite
things about november are thanksgiving and watching nhl hockey. you should combine the two." combine hockey and thanksgiving. well i think there's only one logical way to do that, by seeing how many table top pumpkin pies i can score on a a hockey goal. first, let me introduce the goaltender, from your new york rangers, three-time all-star, henrik lundqvist! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> how are you. >> jimmy: henrik lundqvist! [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for being here. now, over here, we have a bunch of miniature tabletop pumpkin pies and i'm going to attempt to score as many goals as i can on you in ten seconds. [ laughter ] yeah, we know you can stop pucks. do you think you can stop pies? >> piece of cake. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pie. [ laughter ] okay, good. let's do this. can we get ten seconds on the clock? ready? sorry, henrik.
and go. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: that's it right there. did i score one? no, we got none. you're the best. you're the best in the business. and still. [ cheers and applause ] he looks like a stud. henrik lundqvist! he's the man. watch him in the thanksgiving showdown game between the rangers and the bruins on friday, november 27th, right here on nbc. you're the best, buddy. thank you, pal. i appreciate it. henrik lundqvist! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. tough to get one by him. tough to get one by him. let's look at this next suggestion here is from sara pickett. "hey, jimmy, you know that group two really fun men? they're those two men who don't just like to have fun. they like to have really fun. can you have them perform a a song on the show?"
unfortunately, they're both violently ill today and they're not able to be here. however, right before they got sick, they made a video of themselves performing a dance with random new yorkers that they choreographed to an original song they wrote, called "thanksgiving is coming up." i haven't seen it yet, but these guys really know how to have really fun. [ laughter ] i'm guessing it will be good. take it away, guys. ♪ ♪ thanksgiving's coming up ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ thanksgiving's coming up ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ thanksgiving's coming up up ♪ ♪ ♪ >> happy thanksgiving's coming up. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: hey, not bad. that was great. thank you, guys. i appreciate it. maj' prec'. [ laughter ] there's one more here from the ol' sugg box. this is from trevor collum. "hey, jimmy, you should have the undertaker from wwe come out and tombstone a guy in a a turkey outfit on your show." [ light laughter ] trevor that sounds pretty awesome, but it's very late notice and i wouldn't even know how to contact the undertaker at this point -- [ bell toll ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
the survivor series airs sunday, november 22nd, on the wwe network. celebrating the 25th anniversary of the undertaker! that's all the time we have for audience suggestion box. stick around. we'll be right back with james mcavoy. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so what's your news? i got a job! i'll be programming at ge. oh i got a job too, at zazzies. (friends gasp) the app where you put fruit hats on animals? i love that! guys, i'll be writing code that helps machines communicate. (interrupting) i just zazzied you. (phone vibrates) look at it! (friends giggle) i can do dogs, hamsters, guinea pigs... you name it. i'm going to transform the way the world works. (proudly) i programmed that hat. and i can do casaba melons. i'll be helping turbines power cities.
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"victor frankenstein" which opens wednesday, november, 25th. please welcome james mcavoy, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: james mcavoy. hey! oh! welcome back. james mcavoy. good to see you. >> hello. >> jimmy: good to see you, buddy. thank you for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> jimmy: you look sharp. clearly the guys love you. [ cheers ] the girls love you. the girls love you. yeah. >> very nice crowd. they've all been given a lot of money. so thank you. >> jimmy: no, they like you. we had daniel radcliffe on the show last night. >> uh-huh. you have a little similarity. you guys kind of look alike, a a little bit. >> yeah, we both kind of look neofascist at the moment. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, almost,
but in the weirdest way. yeah. because this is daniel last night. is that a new trend, or something? is this a hollywood -- >> yeah. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you're much more tan. >> it's actually nicer doing it on his picture than it is on his real head. >> jimmy: do you rub each other's heads together, yeah, no? >> well, you know, on the first tuesday of every month. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: only the first tuesday of every month, yeah. what is it for, is it for a a film coming up? >> it's for a movie i'm making down in philly with m. night shyamalan called "split." and i can't tell you anything about it because he's m. night shyamalan and he's secretive. >> jimmy: yeah exactly, yeah. do you like it? >> i kind of do. i mean, it's easy, and i don't have to do anything with it. >> jimmy: you have a nice looking head, and a nice looking face. >> thank you. thank you for saying that. you're very kind. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: but does your son enjoy it? >> my wife likes it. she kind of likes it. my kid, when he's on my shoulders, he quite likes it because he can rub his hands through it and he thinks it's spikey. and for some reason he gets a a tactile pleasure out of it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. so it's very, a nice, a nice feeling. >> would you like to try it? [ cheers ]
i usually reserve this for my kids and daniel, but you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you can try. >> jimmy: can your shoulders hold me? [ laughter ] >> i didn't think we were going to do that. yeah, let's try it. >> jimmy: you wanna do it here? >> okay. how do we do this? >> jimmy: well, you're not gonna get on my shoulders. >> no, no, no, no, no. you're going to get on mine. >> jimmy: yeah. how do i do it? >> i don't know how we're going to do this. you need to get up here. stand up on here. >> jimmy: okay, yeah, i'll get up there, yeah. [ cheers ] don't drop me. [ cheers ] yeah! yee-hee-hee! thank you, buddy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] how did you do that? how did you do that? oh, my god. that's a lot of weight. >> yeah, i'm working out at the moment. >> jimmy: i'm lifting. >> eating a lot of protein. >> jimmy: pick a lot of comedians up and down. thank you for doing that. i was like, i was like -- >> it's one of those weird
things where you go, this is the worst idea in the world, but we're doing it. >> jimmy: yeah, well that's the way the show just happens. yeah, we were thinking about maybe, because we did a bit earlier if charlie brown had hair and what he looked like. i thought it would maybe kind of fun, if you're gonna grow out, because you're gonna have a growing out phase. >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: you could have some different looks. >> okay. >> jimmy: for your hair. so, we can set it up. if you look into that camera there. >> okay. >> jimmy: we can give you one, here. this is, first is the donald trump look. yeah. [ laughter ] >> hey. >> jimmy: not bad. >> i'm kind of, i'm feeling a a little robert redford. >> jimmy: can you go huuuuge? >> sound more like a kind of like, paralytic, sort of sliced -- [ growling ] >> jimmy: now, let's see you with questlove's hair. >> that's the one. >> jimmy: yeah, no, yeah. [ laughter ] that's the one. that's pretty good. how about, how about guy fieri? yeah, yeah, oh. >> yeah!! [ cheers ] >> that kind of works.
♪ >> jimmy: that kind of works, yeah. >> that kind of, i could be him. i could play him in the life story. >> jimmy: guy fieri, you should do that. they're making a movie about him, i think. >> are they actually making a a movie about him? >> jimmy: no, they're not. >> best worst movie you've ever seen in your life. >> jimmy: you as guy fieri would be fantastic. i actually heard a rumor that daniel craig, who is fantastic in bond, but it was a rumor that he, this might be his last bond and he might be leaving and i saw that you're on the list for maybe, possible -- >> how many people are on the list, like 100 and i'm like, 99? >> jimmy: no, a list of ten. 700, yeah, the opposite. no, actually, you might be number seven out of ten, yeah. >> really? >> jimmy: you're on the top ten list. >> do you know what, i don't think i would want to do it. even if, i don't think they would offer it to me, but i don't really think it's my cup of tea. >> jimmy: what do you mean. you have to do it. somebody has to be james bond, you could totally nail it. >> somebody's got to be james bond. i'm going to do it for the people. [ cheers and applause ] i'm doing it for the kids. >> jimmy: got to do it for the people, they want it. >> jimmy: if you pass and i will --
>> you're in. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm definitely. >> if i pass, you're in. >> jimmy: i'm up for it, too. i'm number 11 on the list, so -- [ laughter ] >> if people cared, people kept talking about -- >> jimmy: i don't really want to talk about it, but whatever. [ laughter ] they want me to do the theme, too, but whatever. >> they want you to sing the theme to it. >> jimmy: yeah, cause sam smith said he's tired of doing it, so. [ laughter ] >> you could do that every day, please. >> jimmy: i love doing this. let's talk about your movie, "victor frankenstein." i want to talk about this, because this is great. this is the reinvention of frankenstein. you're the doctor, the crazy mad scientist who comes in and tries to make living things out of dead things. >> yeah, basically. nobody every puts two and two together about this. but frankenstein, dr. frankenstein is a zombie maker. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's the original zombie story. >> jimmy: "the walking dead." this is the original thing. he's making a zombie. >> this is like the victorian dead. >> it's alive. >> jimmy: cause you do it, that's a tricky line. >> a tricky line. how do i do in the movie? >> jimmy: you go. >> can you do it.
>> jimmy: you go, it's alive. something like that. but here's the way i would do it -- >> jimmy: but here's the way i would do it in the movie, if i got cast. it's alive! [ laughter ] [ thunder ] >> you should definitely play james bond. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. we have a clip. here's james mcavoy as dr. frankenstein, and daniel radcliffe as igor in "victor frankenstein." take a look. >> you've gone mad. >> it's gone too far. >> we simply do not have the time. >> i'm not leaving then. >> listen to me. you have a chance here to be part of -- >> of what. of being lied to by you, of being hunted by the police and chased by monsters? >> if you're going to concentrate on the dark side. >> i'm not leaving. >> what are you going to do, go back to the circus? resurrect your illustrious career? >> that's none of your concern.
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: our next guest is a a four-time grammy award winner. his latest song "writings on the wall" is the first james bond theme to hit number one on the uk charts. and he's performing on saturday night live this weekend alongside musical guest disclosure. everyone, please welcome sam smith. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: thank you so much for being here. please, i'm so psyched. you know, we're giant fans. you performed on the show, but i never got a chance to talk to you on the couch. >> i haven't spoken on a tv show in new york before. >> jimmy: ever? oh, my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] you're doing a good job. congrats on this. oh, my gosh. the first james bond to go number one in the uk. >> in the uk. yeah, i can't believe it. >> jimmy: i mean, that's major. >> i try not to think about it too much. it's unbelievable. the whole experience has been weird whirlwind. >> jimmy: when will you think about it, do you think? [ laughter ] >> when i'm having a cup of tea next year in my house with my cat. kissing a boy. >> jimmy: yeah, that's your plan. absolutely. but it's got to be like, wow. just phenomenal, the stuff that's been going on. i love the song.
i love the james bond movies. i love the themes. it hits every base. you get the strings in there. it's just good. did they come to you? 'cause i have been begging them for years to do the theme. [ light laughter ] not even a call back, which is -- >> it was a mixture of things. i sent an e-mail about a year ago, basically saying to my team, i wanted to do a a "james bond" theme one day in my life, like any other singer or musician. and i didn't think that it would happen for this movie, but i was kind of pitching myself for something in the future. but then i got a call from sam mendes and barbara broccoli to come to pinewood studios. she's amazing. >> jimmy: that's the secret family. the broccoli family. >> the 007 family -- >> jimmy: they own the bond theme. >> it's james broccoli, but they changed it to bond. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: because a lot of people don't like vegetables. [ laughter ] but you had to go, they have a a secret compound in england, you have to go in a bat cave or something. >> not really. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't ruin the surprise. but then they bring you in, they go, sam, we think you
would be great for this for the next film? >> no, they basically said here's a script. read it. this is a bit of what the film is about. and then try and write a song. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. that's pressure. >> my name was across every page of the script so if i lost one page, i would be hunted down. >> jimmy: hunting down and killed. absolutely. i got to say, it was a smash hit. they must be psyched they chose you, and man, you knocked it out of the park. you got to meet the royal family. >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, and it didn't go that well, but it went okay because -- [ laughter ] i didn't know about this, either. >> my issue, my issue is that i watch too much "downton abbey." [ laughter ] and you get instructions, right? they say you have to bow with one arm behind your back. [ laughter ] someone tells you to bow, i properly went for it. i bows. >> jimmy: you did the full-on "downton abbey" bow. [ laughter and applause ] i think everyone is confused. he's laughing at you.
this guy is laughing at you, [ british accent ] like you silly, silly boy. you silly man. what is wrong with you? that is not how you -- you don't have to bow that -- >> you just go like this. >> jimmy: just bow your head, then you're done. >> i'm at a full right angle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're honoring them. it makes you more endearing. also, a new version of the album "in the lonely hour." this one is called -- >> even more depressing. >> jimmy: "drowning shadows." i gotta to say, what a great album. and you know, the track that i love, i like to listen to the whole album. i don't just like the -- i love the singles, but i love the whole album. the first track on the album-- >> it's the one you like. [ singing poorly ] ♪ money on my -- no wait. [ coughing ] [ laughter ] ♪ money on my mind [ coughing ] hold on. [ laughter ] ♪ money on my mind money on my mind ♪ ♪ i do it for do it for the love ♪ ♪ i don't have money on my mind ♪ >> oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and then you break it down. ♪ no i have no money on my mind money on my mind ♪
♪ don't have no money on my mind ♪ >> i can't -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's my jam! i crank it up. i go, what is this song? never heard a song like that in my life. was that a big hit in america? >> number one in the uk. >> jimmy: yes! [ laughter ] i love uk for that. >> i love all my songs. that one grates on me a little bit. >> jimmy: no. what are -- no! [ laughter ] maybe i changed your opinion. close your eyes for a second. >> no, no. >> jimmy: check this out. just close your eyes. >> oh, my gosh. [ singing poorly ] ♪ money on my mind money on my mind ♪ [ laughter ] no, don't worry about it. we'll do it later. >> oh, my gosh. oh, my gosh. that song is being taken out of my set now. >> jimmy: no, it's my favorite! please don't take it out. dedicate it to me next time. you're taking time off after "saturday night live" this saturday. you're taking a sabbatical. >> yes. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: not a good word for
me? >> i think all my music is so insanely personal. that i just -- i need to step away. and date a little bit and see my family, get in some arguments with my mom. haven't had much of them recently. >> jimmy: inspire you. >> so i can be inspired to write more music. that's the plan. >> and you're with disclosure this weekend on "snl." i can't wait to see it. congrats on the reissue of the album. congrats on james bond. thank you for being our guest. we love having you here. come back whenever you want to. sam smith, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] "writing's on the wall," and in "the lonely hour." "drowning shadows edition," are in stores now. check him out on "saturday night live" this weekend with disclosure. we'll be right back with comedian kurt braunohler. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ a new world hangs
♪ outside the window ♪ beautiful and strange ♪ it must be ♪ falling away ♪ i must be ♪ sound and color are available here at the grocery store. and people seem to be really excited about it. like, really excited. have a good one. new dunkin' donuts k-cup pods are here, available where you buy groceries.
♪ >> thank you, guys. thank you. i'm happy to be back. guys, i just got married. [ cheers and applause ] >> i thank you. i actually proposed to my wife on a hot air balloon because i'm a romantic. and hate having money around. [ light laughter ] i actually, i actually did it because for the past five years any time i would say to my then girlfriend, now wife, hey, i got a surprise for you, she would always say, oh, is it a a hot air balloon ride? [ laughter ] i would be like, no, it's not. and i was like, oh, but it's going to be so romantic. like it's finally going to be a a hot air balloon ride. and turns out that was just her funny way of saying the thing
she would like the least in the world. [ laughter ] so, she had a panic attack for an hour. [ laughter ] because you can't land a hot air balloon early. you just gotta wait for it to crash because that's how that invention works. [ laughter ] and i honestly thought it would be romantic. guys, if you think a hot air balloon ride is romantic, before you book one, do this simple test. draw on the ground a three-foot by three-foot square, and then stand in that square with your back to your beloved because it's too small. you can't turn around, while she craps her pants for an hour. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, and add a weirdo. [ laughter ] like a real weirdo. [ laughter ] like, i don't know. maybe somebody who has dedicated their life to hot air
ballooning. you know, a ballooner. or a balloonatic? [ light laughter ] oh, a balloon pilot. a balloon pilot? i'm a pilot. oh, of what? of balloons. [ laughter ] then have him rub up against you for an hour. ooh, also, add a blazing crackling fire inches from your head. [ laughter ] and are you in a super unbreakable high-tech plastic box? no, you're in a basket. [ light laughter ] made of turn of the century lawn furniture. [ light laughter ] so if you think that's romantic, get right in. like i couldn't even propose in air. she was so scared, she was just holding on and shaking. and i kept like, rubbing her back like, you want to turn around, babe? she was like, no, no! [ laughter ] and she kept doing this. like she was flexing her knees. like, i think she was in crash
position. [ light laughter ] like, if we happen to plummet 2,000 feet out of the sky, she was gonna just jump right at the end. [ light laughter ] so i had to wait until we landed, and then it was easy. you know, she was just so happy to be alive. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah, i'll marry you. oh, my god, i love the ground. [ light laughter ] but it's good to be back here in new york city. i used to live here and i love this town. [ cheers and applause ] give it up, yeah, new york city. the windy city. [ laughter ] when i lived here, there was like a psa on the subway that used to say, two drinks ago, you could have gotten home, and then it was just a photograph of a woman asleep on the stairs going into the subway. oh, new york city. [ light laughter ] i love you. new york, just wants you to
stop, two drinks before you randomly fall asleep on a hard irregular surface. [ laughter ] she doesn't even make it into the subway, guys. she just like, if it's not raining, i'm going to bed. [ light laughter ] but i think the ad would be better if it said, two drinks ago, you could have gone home, and then it was like a series of photos of her like waking up at coney island, and then her waking up in queens, and then her waking up in coney island again. and then her waking up at the airport, like how did she transfer? and her waking up on a flight to belgium. like, where did she get her passport from? she should have stopped two drinks ago. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you very much. ♪ >> jimmy: only two drinks. that's only two drinks.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to james mcavoy, sam smith, billy crystal, the undertaker, and brad maddox. henrik lundqvist, kurt braunohler, and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. stay tuned for, "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- adam levine, founder and c.e.o. of skinny girl bethenny frankel, music from alessia cara. featuring the 8g band with arcade fire's jeremy gara. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers! >> seth: welcome to "late night," everybody. how are you doing tonight? good to hear. good to hear. i want to start this evening by saying happy veterans day, and give it up for all of our veterans, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much for your service. i did something i -- today i do on most veterans days. i found someone in uniform. i shook their hand. and i immediately said, "ow, you are hurting me. [ laughter ]